Crossroad

Lately, I have been in doubt whether the place I have longed for, for so long is really the right one. Although I have friends and even a second family here, as well as having found the house that suits me, I sometimes wonder if this is really the right place. My heart is here, in this fantastic country.

But then why do I feel like I find myself at a crossroads and don't know my way around. Everything I have achieved and been proud of has opened my eyes and made me think I was in my place.

Why do I feel like I am being pushed in a different direction. I am in a dichotomy. What I really want deep in my heart very much and what I am doing now. What I am doing now I love. My heart is here, but the things I would like to do deep down I cannot do in the country where my heart is.

As a result, I find myself at a crossroads. I have long longed to arrange my life the way I want. That included this country. But why should I say 'no' to my ideal life. Saying 'yes' to this would mean moving away from the country where my heart lies and where I longed so much.

But on the other hand, it would offer me my ideal life doing what I most want to do. If I said 'yes', it would mean starting all over again and I would find myself in a country where once again I don't speak the language, don't know the people and most definitely don't know the regulations.

If I were to say 'no' to this, I wonder if I wouldn't then regret it in the long run. If I continue with my life here in the country where my heart is, I wonder if this is what the universe has in store for me. Is this where I belong.

If I say 'yes' will I regret leaving the country where my heart is?

The crossroad is getting bigger and bigger and it seems like there are more exits. How do I figure out which exit to take. I feel like I am drowning in doubts, in choosing the right exit.

Who grabs my hand and gives me that push I need at this moment. Who makes sure I am able to choose the right turn. The only one who can make that happen is me, no matter how hard it is.

With all the doubts, question marks and a now immense intersection, I am not so sure I am taking the right turn.

Be that as it may, I am still the one who has to figure out which turn is the right one. I am the one who has to sweep away the doubts and question marks.

 I'll get through this, after all, they don't say time comes, for nothing.